“COMPLIMENTS THAT AREN’T ABOUT PHYSICAL APPEARANCE
1) You’re empowering.
2) I like your voice.
3) You’re strong.
4) I think your ideas/beliefs matter.
5) I’m so happy you exist.
6) More people should be listening to what you have to say.
7) You’re a very warm hearted person.
8) It’s nice seeing such kindness.
9) You’re very down to earth.
10) You have a beautiful soul.
11) You inspire me to become a better person.
12) Our conversations bring me a lot of joy.
13) It’s good to see someone care so much.
14) You’re so understanding.
15) You matter a lot to me.
16) You’re important even if you don’t think so.
17) You’re intelligent.
18) Your passion is contagious.
19) Your confidence is refreshing.
20) You restore my faith in humanity.
21) You’re great at being creative.
22) You’re so talented at ____.
23) I don’t get tired of you the way I get tired of other people.
24) You have great taste in ___.
25) I’m happy I stayed alive long enough to meet you.
26) I wish more people were like you.
27) You’re so good at loving people.”
You are 12. You’re at the library looking for some generic young adult fiction novel about a girl who falls for her best friend. Your dad makes a disgusted face. “This is about lesbians,” he says. The word falls out of his mouth as though it pains him. You check out a different book and cry when you get home, but you aren’t sure why. You learn that this is not a story about you, and if it is, you are disgusting.
You are 15. Your relatives are fawning over your cousin’s new boyfriend. “When will you have a boyfriend?” they ask. You shrug. “Maybe she’s one of those lesbians,” your grandpa says. You don’t say anything. You learn that to find love and acceptance from your family, you need a boyfriend who thinks you are worthy of love and acceptance.
You are 18. Your first boyfriend demands to know why you never want to have sex with him. He tells you that sex is normal and healthy. You learn that something is wrong with you.
You are 13. You’re at a pool party with a relative’s friend’s daughter. “There’s this lesbian in my gym class. It’s so gross,” she says. “Ugh, that’s disgusting,” another girl adds. They ask you, “do you have any lesbians at your school?” You tell them no and they say you are lucky. You learn to stay away from people.
You are 20. You have coffee with a girl and you can’t stop thinking about her for days afterwards. You learn the difference between a new friendship and new feelings for a person.
You are 13. Your mom is watching a movie. You see two girls kiss on screen. You feel butterflies and this sense that you identify with the girls on the screen. Your mom gets up and covers the screen. You learn that if you are like those girls, no one wants to see it.
You are 20. You and your friends are drunk and your ex-boyfriend dares you to make out with your friend. You both agree. You touch her face. It feels soft and warm. Her lips are small and her hands feel soft on your back. You learn the difference between being attracted to someone and recognizing that someone you care about is attractive.
You are 16. You find lesbian porn online. Their eyes look dead and their bodies are positioned in a way that you had never imagined. You learn that liking girls is acceptable if straight men can decide the terms.
You are 20. You are lying next to a beautiful girl and talking about everything. You tell her things that you don’t usually tell anyone. You learn how it feels not to want to go to sleep because you don’t want to miss out on any time with someone.
You are 15. Your parents are talking about a celebrity. Your dad has a grin on his face and says, “her girlfriend says that she’s having the best sex of her life with her!” You learn that being a lesbian is about the kind of sex you have and not how you love.
You are 18. You are in intro to women’s and gender studies. “Not all feminists are lesbians- I love my husband! Most of the feminists on our leadership team are straight! It’s just a stereotype,” the professor exclaims. You learn that lesbianism is something to separate yourself from.
You are 21 and you are kissing a beautiful girl and she’s your girlfriend and you understand why people write songs and make movies and stupid facebook statuses about this and time around you just seems to stop and you could spend forever like this and you learn that there is nothing wrong with you and you are falling in love.
You are 21. And you are okay.”
a thing I wrote after arguing with an insensitive dude on facebook all day or Things Other People Taught me about Liking Girls (via samanticshift)
So relatable. I spent the majority of my life telling myself I don’t like girls because of how lesbians are looked down upon unless they’re putting on a show for d00ds or some shit. It took me so long to accept that part of myself.
Is that you?
- throw away privilege, blue steel evicted
- walk away sweetly, warm taste I’m gifted.
- textbook tales tossed up, white prick eyes follow
- wishful solutions, bitter hard swallow
- dribbling letters, confusion coated tongue
- collapse of momentum, mistakes so young
- confidence growing, blind senses you trust
- successful disaster, no hope just bust
- masters of paradise, neck in the reigns
- drafting their power unbreaking my chains
- secure behind stone, shifting consciousness
- silent despair deadly and ominous
- wicked retention, driven off the edge
- burnt flesh rewards to remember my pledge.
What movie is this??
- reminiscent rewards that age well in time
- deriving my temper, darkness divine
- such liquid in mind nervous admire
- fearing finale, imminent dire
- the wraith of my thoughts the past close at hand
- writhing for freedom, my peace I demand
- requiem delusion, mystic mundane
- effortless errors, poor judgement murrain
- wicked seduction, crass cravings I yearn
- the burn in my throat of modest concern
- sharp bites at the neck, the only sense real
- the pleasure of sex, sweet secrets I steal
- destructive and anxious forgive yourself
- frivol and squander but savor your health.
- Sugar cube smiles a youth so wild
- sweet taste elixir, life of a child
- spoiled little hearts flourish not yet tame
- sharing innocent riddles, that we shame
- risky desire, secret sleeves unfurl
- daffodil summers, touch light forming swirls
- honeymoon eyes, slipping savory by
- slight sinewy guiles, enchantment shy
- bitter pillow talk is painful I’m told
- leaving a trace, a trail of ice so cold
- indian winters fierce and spiteful
- suspicious and loath, a painful cycle
- revelation grand, self reflection keen
- reception kind, quiet love so serene.
- Never die never grow, begin to quit
- bitch bitch bitch, don’t try to minimize it
- selfish hate selfish blame, perfect choices
- wander for reasons, hearing strange voices
- driving cold cars, engines running without
- double feature expression, lovers drought
- water droplets blue, the rim in this cup
- soothing fashion release, plastic choice luck
- colossal achievement, a modest death
- saffron desires that draw out one’s breath
- stifling daydreams, trapped wishing wise
- always to wait, costly hearts subtle guise
- I’d rather feel, like that, ripping apart
- tireless fiction from where I depart
- slip from the mouth, tongue slit free from the jaw
- hazards find homes stray lessons break the law
- dreading pleasure, golden flakes on my skin
- forbidden touch, smearing shackles in sin
- last nite you knew just what I was there for
- threading decisions but asking for more
- love and pain trust and shame belief so tame
- all the same it’s frequent and unchanged
- dire rewards lift wishes from our dreams
- not once reflecting on consequence seams
- heaven and hell both taped in this moment
- legions destruction, poison opponent
- (the) spirits inspired, feed our desires
- fading out thoughts burn away like fire
- senses are dull this malaise is so crisp
- sordid divide traces back feeling sick
- patient reserved, hidden hands of weakness
- bitter thoughts birthed and strangled with bleakness
- clever denial, discomfort focus
- waving fears, lying eyes are noticed
- graceful smiles, lead down holes deceptive
- such flexible truths, gloomy collected
- ceaseless mementos, no escape present
- weary memories, nagging incessant
- sleep holds no solace, no comfort or peace
- living lives in grey, mask abject relief
- point to point remedy, I take to one knee
- slipping away, a routine is the key.
- undisturbed darkness, countless hours lost
- flashes lucid, silent dangers the cost
- such wild thoughts that erupt in our minds
- while inactive life’s thundering by
- gross imagination, set loose display
- control whispered free, the yoke ripped away
- maneuvers unreal, can’t remember why
- pale blue clouds are all that I can rely
- blind emotion grazing the days events
- wandering a daze, fathering intents
- shades flitter leaving traces of sunlight
- shaping the skin the body’s needs feel right
- effervescent caress dull throbbing truths
- sewn up with thread, draining all these might soothe
- The brisk morning shade shivers causing death
- aching to rise slightly quicker than breath
- dazzling refractions dew drops may release
- a view freshly blurring and screaming peace
- timely exertion a weary disguise
- without a doubt I’ll greet every sunrise
- hard to explain, cold light streaming solace
- yellow life flowing, we’re left to harness
- tangible mist, silence ripples at dawn
- sacred spaces mask, soft pulses withdrawn
- myriad hues stagger senses anew
- so unreal, each moment savored and true
- so bitter and so sweet at the same time
- such pale gloss, in this instant life’s sublime
Did the fucking dumbest thing I’ve probably ever done last night. The consequences are still to come and I’m just grateful to be alive and have friends and family who look out and care for me. Just about worst nite of my life and I’m lucky things panned out the way they did. I’m really sorry. Really really sorry, I can’t honestly give an apology good enough.